American Government: Going Once, Going Twice, Going Three Times: Sold, to Elon Musk for 250 Million Dollars!

The unelected destroyer of Twitter, neglectful of his duties at Tesla, and under government investigation at SpaceX, has bought his way into American government. Which, in its own circumstance, is reprehensible and dangerous to the republic. Embarrassing as that may be, it confounds the imagination that the price paid, compared to his wealth, is the metaphoric price of a pack of cigarettes.

Not even a good cigar.

Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post for a similar number, but the Musketeer bought an entire government.

The orange man apparently agreed to this bargain-basement arrangement because Elon as much as guaranteed his second election, firing up his 215 million followers, showing up at rallies, and threatening Republican members of Congress with retribution, should their support waver.

Just as every comedian needs a straight-man, wannabe dictators need an axe-man.

Elon fits the bill. One part showman, and two parts screwball, the Musketeer serves up test cases, gauging which way the fickle winds of politics and public opinion blow at any moment. The orange man is thus allowed to cheer on the popular and disavow the losers, without any direct blame. The orange man has technically bestowed upon him the position of “special government employee”, which allows him to sidestep both financial disclosures and a public vetting process.

Exactly how that works is a mystery, the orange man is plowing more new ground in government than a John Deere tractor.

Security clearances? We don’t need no fucking security clearance.

Embarrassing to Elon (if the man is capable of embarrassment), is his lack of security clearance. He was reportedly advised by SpaceX lawyers not to seek highest-level security clearances owing to personal drug use and contacts with foreign nationals. He currently holds a ‘top-secret’ clearance, which is not even sufficient to enter SpaceX facilities where classified work is done and discussed. He is denied access to classified elements of payloads as well.

Yet he showed up without so much as a ‘by-your-leave’ at the treasury department and USAid in recent days, demanding entry and access to highly secure systems that control about $6tn in annual payments to millions of Americans.

The following day, two senior security officials at USAid attempted to stop Doge workers from gaining physical access to restricted areas at the agency – resulting in a standoff in which a deputy for Musk threatened to call the US marshals. Both security officials have subsequently been put on administrative leave, and on Sunday night staff at USAid received emails telling them not to come to work the next day.

The events unfolded swiftly and took place mostly outside of working hours, creating uncertainty over the weekend as to who was in charge and what authority the Doge team possessed. Many of the Doge team tasked with carrying out the overhauls of government agencies appear to have little to no experience in government and are extremely young. One of the engineers is as young as 19, Wired reported, while a 25-year-old who previously worked at two of Musk’s companies gained access to treasury department payment systems.

The treasury system is responsible for 1bn payments a year totaling $5tn and includes sensitive information involving bank accounts and social security payments.

There are reasons for security clearances, but Musk flies well above critical complaint, a surrogate for the orange man.

Needless to say, the air is thin up there and these altitudes carry their own risk of exposure. The orange man has proven unreliable, when tasked with watching one’s back.

The Musketeer reportedly said “the early days of Trump’s presidency, combined with a Republican-controlled Congress, presented a unique chance of implementing a radical overhaul of US government. If it’s not possible now, it’ll never be possible. This is our shot.” This is the best hand of cards we’re ever going to have. And if we don’t take advantage of this best hand of cards, it’s never going to happen.”

I guess we’ll simply have to wait and see if government is at risk, or able to protect itself by a long history that prides itself on its reputation as a nation of laws.

Any Las Vegas regular knows that a good hand of cards can quickly become a house of cards.

If the Musketeer ends up with his pants around his ankles, the orange man will be nowhere to be seen.