Pin This One on the Wall, Next to Your Pink Slip
Today’s 1-15-26 NYTimes celebrates the mastery of copywriting over circumstance in this article covering the banking industry.
“Goldman Sachs on Thursday said that it was debuting “a new operating model propelled by artificial intelligence.” A bank spokesman said that included creating a more enjoyable experience for the bank’s staff as the technology automated what he described as mundane tasks.”
(Translation): Line up in columns of two. All those with a mundane task, take one step forward, turn left, gather your personal belongings, and prepare yourselves for the enjoyable experience of unemployment.
That wasn’t hard now, was it? Hundreds, if not thousands, of Goldman employees across the world will soon be able to add to their curriculum vitae, “Once worked at Goldman Sachs at a mundane task.”
(Further into the article) “Artificial intelligence makes inroads.”
“Banks are not typically seen as on the cutting edge of technology, and Wall Street has been more eager to lend into the A.I. boom than to talk specifics about how it may change their own businesses.
“Bank of America said its much-promoted “virtual financial assistant,” nicknamed Erica, was used less than before by customers in the fourth quarter. Executives attempted to argue that this was sign that the bank was doing a better job warding off questions before they even needed to be asked.”
And there is another untapped opportunity for a Banking headline:
‘Bank of America, the bank that does a better job of warding off questions before they even need to be asked.’
Seems to me more of an offroad than an inroad, but then banking has changed a whole lot over my lifetime, from a kind of boring-but-stable business, to a thrilling roller-coaster ride above the neon-lighted streets of Las Vegas, entertaining us with the fireworks of an average recession every fifteen years.
It’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s Super-Sachs!!!
Return with me now, to those thrilling days of yesteryear…“Hi-ho, Goldman, Awayyyy…”
Brilliant takedown of corporate euphemism here. The gap between "more enjoyable experince" and mass layoffs is basically the entire history of Wall Street PR in one sentence. I worked through the '08 crisis and saw this exact playbook, where tech adoption always meant fewer desks but somehow the productivity gains never trickled dwon to job security. The Bank of America bit about Erica being used less as a success metric is chef's kiss absurd.